By Alyssa Dearborn
Photo by Alice G. Patterson
Heat Effect Life Coaching founder Belinda Porter aims to change the conversation surrounding sexuality.
“Like many people — or at least people my own age — I was brought up that [sex] was not something you talked about,” Belinda said. “I want it to become more comfortable to talk to your partner, to talk about sex period, in a consensual way. Particularly I want people to be able to talk to their partners about their desires.”
Coaching and teaching clients to communicate effectively and empathetically is just one of Belinda’s business offerings. Communicating openly about what one desires is an essential practice taught at her business. And the success of Heat Effect Life Coaching is special because, as Belinda explained, she and her husband are life partners as well as business partners.
“My husband and I have a very different relationship now,” she said. “We’ve been married for more than 30 years, and the last six years have been the best because we decided to make our relationship a priority. Part of that was working with coaches and taking some courses to focus on not just our relationship, but on our sexuality.”
After working through the disconnect within their own relationship, the couple decided to dedicate their professions to helping others overcome relationship issues and sexual health.
“We’ve seen an awful lot of couples in the same boat,” Belinda said. “And quite frankly, we have a 50 percent divorce rate in this country, and it doesn’t have to be that way. If we can help change that, we want to do that. Just learning to talk in the way that our partner can understand is helpful.”
Heat Effect Life Coaching offers a variety of classes to both couples and individuals. Each class is targeted to help clients with a specific aspect of sexuality. But the company’s most popular offer is its course in the Erotic BlueprintTM.
“It was a concept developed by my mentor, Jaiya,” Belinda said. “It understands that when it comes to sexuality, we all aren’t turned on by the same things. We have a cultural meaning behind what sex is, and that works for a certain segment of people. But it does not work for everybody. An Erotic BlueprintTM is a roadmap for understanding desires, outside of what we’ve been trained or culturally assimilated to think.
“When it comes to sex,” she said, “we have an idea of what sex is supposed to be like. And one of the things that I’ve found is that both men and women are trying to fit themselves into that box.”
The Erotic BlueprintTM quiz is available online, but in order to fully benefit from the concept, Belinda recommends working with a licensed coach such as herself or her husband.
“Jaiya was once coaching people on her own, holding classes and that type of thing,” she said, “and it became more than she could handle. So when she announced that she was going to train coaches, I was one of the first to sign up.”
Belinda said she has a passion for working with a population that needs the most attention.
“I love working with the older couples, the empty-nesters, the retirees who have put their relationships aside because they’re focused on their children, they’re focused on their careers and now that they’re getting older, they’re really longing for something,” she said. “They want that deep connection but they’re not sure how to get it.”
Some of these clients are dealing with the inevitable effects of aging and menopause. But through coaching a unique sense of empathy, Heat Effect Life Coaching helps those couples find a long lost connection and their erotic voices.
Being the only company that does what Heat Effect Life Coaching does in Central New York is significant because Belinda and her husband bring an important resource to the community. Belinda’s work has become even more of a resource as sex positivity has become a much more talked about topic. They are a local business contributing to a global conversation.
“One of the big thigs is that we are actually addressing a topic that is an interest to a lot of self-help. There are not a lot of sexual counselors in Syracuse — in fact we’re essentially the only ones. There are more around the country, and we actually work with people all around the world,” Belinda said. “And what makes us special in the world of sexuality coaching is that we are a couple who knows the pain of disconnection. We really know what our clients are going through and we’ve found that it’s a good dynamic to work with a couple as a couple.”
If you are interested in receiving coaching, taking a class, or simply learning more about Heat Effect Life Coaching, visit heateffectcoaching.com and stay tuned for new episodes on their official YouTube channel.