{"id":3312,"date":"2022-09-28T12:11:06","date_gmt":"2022-09-28T16:11:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/?p=3312"},"modified":"2022-09-28T12:11:06","modified_gmt":"2022-09-28T16:11:06","slug":"inspire-nicole-canavan-a-story-of-self-discovery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/?p=3312","title":{"rendered":"Inspire – Nicole Canavan: A Story of Self Discovery"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Kate Hanzalik<\/strong><\/p>\n

Nicole Canavan grieved the loss of herself for the past thirty years. An athletic person \u2013 a goalie who had a history of getting kicked in the head, a self-described \u201ctom boy\u201d who often got injured \u2013 became what she calls \u201cThe Monster,\u201d an evil creature filled with rage and superhuman strength that gave her the power to destroy anything she saw.<\/p>\n

The Monster was brought on by Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE), a condition that causes degenerative changes of the brain from repeated head injuries. In one study, 99 percent of National Football League players autopsied were diagnosed with CTE. There is no known cure. Her condition is complicated by Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, meaning that her connective tissue is particularly fragile.<\/p>\n

A graduate of Daemon University and former physical therapist at St. Joseph\u2019s Hospital, Nicole understood her condition, in theory, but her life didn\u2019t make sense. Memory loss, trouble recalling the right words, disorientation \u2013 these were the small stumbling blocks.<\/p>\n

At work, she passed out in front of patients. She had to leave the job she felt destined for. \u201cI thought it was taking away my purpose, and that took away my hope,\u201d she said. At home, she couldn\u2019t cook, or sleep. She was impatient, paranoid, and everyone was a threat. \u201cI was going berserk, and not even knowing why. I was watching myself as I was destroying things in my home, screaming and yelling, out of control.\u201d And no matter where she was or what she was doing, her hands tremored, and she contemplated suicide. At the behest of police officers last year, she went to a psychiatric ward, which is when her mother, Bonnie D’Agostino, stepped in.<\/p>\n

\u201cMom is so awesome,\u201d said Nicole. \u201cShe has always been there for me and my brother. She said, come live with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bonnie was worried though. \u201cShe has the sweetest, most positive personality, but it was lost, she was gone. She came out of the psychiatric ward, and I was afraid of her. But I was it [for her support system].\u201d<\/p>\n

They lived together and Bonnie got Nicole on a routine that ensured her basic needs were met. She was grateful for Bonnie and started to feel better. Nicole\u2019s efforts towards physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech and language pathology, and psychotherapy were put to good use as well. But her regrets felt like a weight hooked to her ankle that was pulling her down. The 48-year-old also wished she could live on her own, but with dementia she knew it wasn\u2019t an option. As it turns out, fate had other plans.<\/p>\n

Bonnie saw an ad on TV for Red Mill Manor, a senior living center on the waterfront in Baldwinsville. Was it the right fit for Nicole? They both wanted to know, so Bonnie gave Red Mill a call. They thought Nicole was exceptional\u2013she was someone who needed the kind of support her mother gave her, and she was also someone who had much to offer the residents.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Perspective <\/b><\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy to mistake Red Mill for a lodge, but for Nicole, it\u2019s been a place of healing. The rustic interior is surrounded by nature; the dining room offers fresh food served daily. And windows. There are so many windows that keep the dark out and Nicole\u2019s mood light, she said.<\/p>\n

In her apartment, the blinds are open and the walls are covered with pages of the book she\u2019s co-writing with her friend Jack. Every day, she writes, plans, drafts, revises. She draws stick figures, characters like Coley who encounter challenges and must make smart decisions about what to do. The next day, she can\u2019t remember what she worked on, so she starts over. And every day, she recites the promises she\u2019s made to herself.<\/p>\n

\u201cI had to come up with something to fight the urge to commit suicide. I thought about who and what I love. I love my children and my family more than I can hate this disease. I promised never to do that to them, never to do that to me. I [made a promise card], signed it. I read it to myself in the mirror so I could look at myself. That had a huge impact.\u201d<\/p>\n

She made new friends quickly at Red Mill, including Ann, who, Nicole said, \u201creally helped me to up my prayer game.\u201d Along with Nicole\u2019s practices with epigenetics and the power of positive thinking, she and Ann pray together daily and attend church. Nicole attended a special service with her new friend at St. Mary\u2019s Church, which made a difference too. \u201c[Nicole] began to have a miracle of healing. You could see it, the whole persona of the girl [changed],\u201d said Ann.<\/p>\n

Months later, Bonnie said, \u201cI have my daughter back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNow I understand,\u201d Nicole explained recently. \u201cI\u2019ve gone through the hard stuff. I\u2019ve figured out how to soothe the savage beast. It\u2019s not a monster anymore; it\u2019s a happy, powerful thing for good.\u201d<\/p>\n

She still struggles with memory issues, but she also leads health classes at Red Mill and feels much better. \u201cI hope people can face their darkness without so much fear, and I hope they can face this monster, to shine the light on it, and to give it what it needs\u2013love and support.\u201d<\/p>\n

As for CTE, Nicole recommends parents be vigilant. Like thousands of others who likely have CTE, Nicole, through the Concussion Legacy Foundation, has pledged to donate her brain to research on concussion and CTE with hopes that in the future there will be a cure for the affliction. For information about the condition and the brain donation pledge, visit the foundation at https:\/\/concussionfoundation.org\/<\/a><\/u><\/span>.<\/p>\n

You can find Nicole on Facebook at Nicole Canahan PT.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Kate Hanzalik Nicole Canavan grieved the loss of herself for the past thirty years. An athletic person \u2013 a goalie who had a history of getting kicked in the head, a self-described \u201ctom boy\u201d who often got injured \u2013 became what she calls \u201cThe Monster,\u201d an evil creature filled with rage and superhuman strength…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":3313,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1143],"tags":[1284,1286,1285,1287,964],"class_list":["post-3312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspire","tag-chronic-traumatic-encephalopathy","tag-concussion","tag-nicole-canavan","tag-october-2022","tag-survivor"],"gutentor_comment":0,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/nicole-canavan-2.jpg?fit=958%2C959&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3144,"url":"https:\/\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/?p=3144","url_meta":{"origin":3312,"position":0},"title":"\u2018Be the change\u2019: Zonta Club of Syracuse Forges a Path of Community Service\u00a0","author":"Staff","date":"December 6, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"By Ken Sturtz \u00a0 Compile even a partial list of the Zonta Club of Syracuse\u2019s charitable activities and the mind conjures up an image of an army of volunteers, not unlike the legions of elves Santa relies on. 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