{"id":1753,"date":"2018-04-30T09:00:11","date_gmt":"2018-04-30T13:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/?p=1753"},"modified":"2018-04-30T10:46:18","modified_gmt":"2018-04-30T14:46:18","slug":"lacey-roy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/?p=1753","title":{"rendered":"Lacey Roy"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Power of Vulnerability\u00a0<\/em><\/h1>\n

By Lacey Roy | Photography by Alexis Emm<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

When I was just a little girl dreaming of being a grownup, I told my dad I was going to change the world. I innately understood that to do so, I would need to be perfect.<\/p>\n

But I wasn\u2019t. I\u2019d experience devastating lows that lasted until I didn\u2019t feel anything at all. The days of crying turned into a desert of non-emotion. Equally devastating highs destroyed relationships. My friends\u2019 lack of ability to keep up with me caused frustration, as did my own inability to complete a thought, as dozens of them ran through my brain at once.<\/p>\n

Then, about 12 years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar. I hid my diagnosis for close to a decade, although I was relieved that there truly was a reason for what I felt was wrong with me.<\/p>\n

But what happened to that perfection I\u2019d need to change the world?<\/p>\n

I had spent decades striving to be like everyone else. And at times, everything flowed. My mask was applied fresh every morning, as I patted foundation in place and swept the soft pink eyeshadow across my lids to brighten my face.<\/p>\n

Looking back on those times, I remember how excited I was that I\u2019d figured it all out. When I fully immerse myself in specific memories from that time, I see the disillusionment. I still feel the vague, fuzzy feeling of disconnection from people I saw on a daily basis.<\/p>\n

I had many friends and I had no friends, simultaneously. With my diagnosis carefully tucked away, I hid behind my mask, enclosing myself in my glass cube. I was too scared to go out into the real world and connect with someone, anyone.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow are you?\u201d people asked me. \u201cI haven\u2019t seen you in a while.\u201d<\/p>\n

I answered flippantly with a pleasantry of some sort, while I patted my mask back into place throughout the day. Behind the mask, the answer was, \u201cI feel like I\u2019m drowning. I\u2019m exhausted.\u201d To my own detriment, the people I enjoyed seeing had no real connection with me. I wasn\u2019t ready for vulnerability.<\/p>\n

After years of this exhausting masquerade, I wondered if there was another type of perfection. \u201cPerfectly imperfect\u201d seemed to sum up my acceptance of myself and my uniquely gifted brain.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, my perfectly imperfect way of embracing my new normal brought me to the decision to \u201cout\u201d myself on Facebook to kick off Mental Health Awareness Month a few years ago. Once a week throughout that month, I\u2019d chronicle my day, including the internal-but-not-mine voices I hear. I gave myself permission to be vulnerable for the first time I could truly remember.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve learned my purpose isn\u2019t to change the world, but to show acceptance.<\/p>\n

Through my writing of real-life answers to simple questions and starkly honest speaking engagements, I know what connection is. A few people usually linger after my talks to tell me they or their friends share the same challenges, but they had been too scared to connect with other people. Lifelong friends have sent me carefully- worded text messages, full of brave honesty, telling me I\u2019m not alone in my exhaustion or elatedness.<\/p>\n

The power of vulnerability isn\u2019t about changing. It\u2019s about accepting \u2014 accepting yourself through your own perfect imperfection. SWM<\/em><\/p>\n

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. For more information, visit nami.org\/mentalhealthmonth<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

Lacey Roy was photographed at The Gear Factory in Syracuse. For more information, visit thegearfactorysyr.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Syracuse Woman Magazine – Syracuse Photographers, New York<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Power of Vulnerability\u00a0 By Lacey Roy | Photography by Alexis Emm When I was just a little girl dreaming of being a grownup, I told my dad I was going to change the world. I innately understood that to do so, I would need to be perfect. But I wasn\u2019t. I\u2019d experience devastating lows…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1799,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[99],"tags":[156,607,605,599,606,327,600],"class_list":["post-1753","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","tag-alexis-emm","tag-gear-factory","tag-lacey-roy","tag-may-2018","tag-mental-health-awareness-month","tag-syracuse","tag-the-family-edition"],"gutentor_comment":0,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/SWM-MAY-Alexis-Emm-Photo-2-1.jpg?fit=4058%2C2700&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":962,"url":"https:\/\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/?p=962","url_meta":{"origin":1753,"position":0},"title":"Purpose Farm","author":"Staff","date":"July 28, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Living with a Purpose By Lorna Oppedisano | Photography by Alexis Emm \u201cMy earliest memory in life is riding a rocking horse nonstop. My parents could not get me off of that thing for years,\u201d said Sandra Seabrook, the president and founder of Purpose Farm. It\u2019s fitting that Sandra now\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Featured"","block_context":{"text":"Featured","link":"https:\/\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/?cat=99"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/SWM-AUG-Alexis-Emm-Photograffi-3.jpg?fit=1200%2C808&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/SWM-AUG-Alexis-Emm-Photograffi-3.jpg?fit=1200%2C808&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/SWM-AUG-Alexis-Emm-Photograffi-3.jpg?fit=1200%2C808&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/SWM-AUG-Alexis-Emm-Photograffi-3.jpg?fit=1200%2C808&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/SWM-AUG-Alexis-Emm-Photograffi-3.jpg?fit=1200%2C808&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2078,"url":"https:\/\/www.syracusewomanmag.com\/?p=2078","url_meta":{"origin":1753,"position":1},"title":"Susie Ippolito","author":"Staff","date":"September 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Building a Brand in Syracuse By Lacey Roy | Photography by Alice G. Patterson Wearing a classic sundress and trendy frames, Susie Ippolito is magnetic even from a distance. Laughter and gratitude are sprinkled through conversations. 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