Preparing to ride into the sunset … Ophelia’s Place in her rearview mirror
BY FARAH F. JADRAN
“I have no idea what the future holds.” To many, this could be a daunting outlook. But for one woman, who created something that grew beyond her wildest dreams, it’s OK that she doesn’t know what’s next.Ten years ago, Mary Ellen Clausen helped open the doors to Ophelia’s Place, a non-profit organization that advocates for positive body image and provides education on eating disorders. Nestled in the village of Liverpool, Ophelia’s Place is a “safe haven and a part of the community,” Mary Ellen said. After a decade of being the executive director of Ophelia’s Place, she is passing the torch to a long-time friend and colleague. While this change may seem sudden to the community, it actually follows a five-year transition period, complete with ups and downs and some second-guesses, too. “The last thing I want to happen is for me to walk away and the organization to fall apart.”
While Ophelia’s Place became a huge part of her life, there is more to Mary Ellen than just that. Over a cup of coffee at the non-profit’s Café at 407, Mary Ellen was focused on telling her story. Because two of her daughters battled eating disorders, Mary Ellen saw the need in the community and founded the organization. But Ophelia’s Place, she said, is not about her. It’s about the people who have had the courage to walk through the doors. And Mary Ellen doesn’t see the need (for Ophelia’s Place) going away. Media messages and societal norms are streaming constant negative messages about body image, especially toward women. “If there wasn’t still a need, I would get on my motorcycle and ride into the sunset.” Above all, she says she has merely been “a part” of the Ophelia’s Place story.
OK Magazine, Glamour and more…
“Magazines at the Wegmans checkout line are like a train wreck…I can’t look away.” She says a typical review of the covers shout mixed messages, from Love your body the way it is, all the way to lose 10 pounds in 10 days, and 100 ways to look hot. “Why do we need to look hot?” she asked. “So we can be an object for a man?” Images in society are getting worse, plain and simple, says Mary Ellen. The clothing in children’s sections of department stores are becoming tighter, more revealing and suggestive, featuring phrases such as “juicy” or “sexy” written across the bottoms of shorts or pants. “Here’s the deal, they can’t process that,” Mary Ellen said. “They’re not mature enough to handle that or to be responsible for what they feel as a result of all of that.” She says the pressure is incredible and increasing with every generation. “I want more than that for my granddaughter, I want more for my grandson. We have to educate more.”
Working on redirecting these negative messages is about teaching young boys to be gentlemen and girls to enjoy childhood. “If society continues to objectify women, men will think of them as an object to be owned.” This is why she feels it necessary for parents to deconstruct messages and have conversations with their children. Yet we as adults continue to send the message that we’re not satisfied with our own bodies. “I don’t want to spend my lunchtime figuring out how many calories are in this or if I’m going to ‘be bad’ and have dessert.” Mary Ellen dislikes the term “being bad” when it comes to indulging. Too many times café goers ask when ordering: “Should I ‘be bad’ and have a cookie?” She says she proudly replies, “You’re only bad if you steal that cookie, but eating it doesn’t make you bad.” A clothing size is a number; it’s never going to be anything more. “If at age 51, it’s difficult for me to untangle those messages, how should I expect my 3-year-old granddaughter to be able to do that?” With her granddaughter Anna, 3, and her four-month-old grandson Andrew, she foresees a less rocky path of poor mind and body training.
A time of transition
Leaving her post as executive director hasn’t come easy. She stressed how it has truly been a five-year transitional period. For a variety of reasons, including compensation, several successor prospects came and went, with Mary Ellen still at the helm. But in the past year, Mary Ellen became more determined to make it happen. “I needed to lay out that strategy,” she said. “I said, ‘God, I’m trusting that you’re going to bring that next person through the door.’” While she had a few people in mind, Jodie Wilson-Dougherty, whom she had known since the night of Ophelia’s Place’s inaugural fundraising event, expressed an interest in the job. “She emailed me and wanted to support [Ophelia’s Place] through her church,” said Mary Ellen as she thought about how she never let her successor out of her sight since 2002. “Poor thing, she probably regretted that, hitting that ‘send’ button!” Coincidentally, Wilson-Dougherty became enthralled with the organization the first time the two met.
Wilson-Dougherty, a licensed, certified social worker for ARISE Child & Family Services, will take the reins Jan. 2, when Mary Ellen switches into a fund development-focused role. “I think it would be helpful to have a social worker as a director, and slip into these shoes.” Mary Ellen’s hope is to see both the café and the organization become self-sufficient by 2014. Once this is achieved, Mary Ellen said she would be at peace. As she moves into her role of grant writing and fund development, she said she would continue to follow her heart. “It’s important to note that the only thing I knew about the café business is that I loved coffee.” The café just celebrated its second birthday on Dec. 3, 2011. “I think it’s equally important to note that I knew absolutely nothing about the nonprofit world when I started Ophelia’s Place,” she said. “I was just following my heart. I never think things are a big deal.”
Since she believes the café’s kitchen has reached its full potential, she wants to find funding that will help the organization expand that area so it can continue to adequately serve the community. “I think that the café has grown beyond my wildest dreams. Without the café, I would have closed Ophelia’s Place,” said Mary Ellen as she hinted some sadness in that notion. “I always tell people that I would love for them to write a check, but they can buy a cup of coffee and that still supports us.” She sees the two-year sustainability goal as a sort of capstone to her time with the organization. “I’ll be leaving it in new hands but with a safety net.”
Every person that has become involved with Ophelia’s Place, community member or board member, has left an impression on her. She is thankful for those connections and relationships, which have helped establish a solid foundation for both the café and the organization. “I am grateful, grateful beyond measure for all of this.” On the list of her gratifying notes, she says Danny, her husband of 21 years, stands out. “I am incredibly grateful for him because he didn’t sign up for any of this. I told him over dinner one night that I was quitting my job and doing this full time.” He has not only been supportive but he has had the unofficial role of maintenance man, IT guy, phone guy, snow removal guy…and anything else she has needed, Mary Ellen said. When he’s not helping around the café or Ophelia’s Place, Danny is working his regular job as a technical trainer for Liftech Equipment Companies and drumming with his band, Christopher Ames Band. “I told him he should be on the cover of this magazine, ‘Syracuse Man,’” she said as she laughed. While she assured me he would make a great “cover man,” I told her, this was about her, about her journey, her story.
Her mother’s last tear
On a scale from 1 to 10, how comfortable are you in your skin right now? “I would say I’m at an 8,” Mary Ellen said confidently. “I think I’m leaps and bounds ahead of where I once was. My daughters have taught me so much through their journey, and I learned that I no longer want to go back to a world of dieting…chronic dieting.” This chronic dieting was normal for the women in her family, her mother especially. “I can’t comprehend my days being that way anymore, that’s why I give myself an 8, because I have come a long way, but I still have some work to do.” She constantly thinks about her mother in her own journey because her mother, a perpetual dieter, always dealt with body image issues. Six years ago, she passed away from pancreatic cancer only three-and-a-half weeks after she was diagnosed. She was 78. Even during her final days in Elmira, Mary Ellen’s mother still affirmed her body image issues. “I wanted to massage her legs and feet with lotion, and I realized I had never seen my mom’s feet.” Her mother hated the sight of her own feet and tended to stay covered up, no matter the occasion. “Here’s the interesting thing about perception,” Mary Ellen said. “I took one look at her feet and told her, ‘Mom, now I know where I get my feet from.’ Because I thought they were beautiful.”
“I thought I would have my mom forever,” she admitted. On Jan. 6, 2006, Mary Ellen’s mother had slipped into a coma. While massaging her mother’s feet once again, she noticed her breathing had become heavier. She opened her eyes and a single tear came down, Mary Ellen said. She told her, “Mom, it’s time. The angels are here.” She got up to close her mother’s eyes. The clock on the wall showed that it was exactly 1 o’clock. “I had no idea what to do, but I wanted a sign that she was still there. I wanted to see a butterfly.” However, it was January in Elmira, how would she see one? A few weeks later, some family friends visited Mary Ellen and her husband to see how they were doing and also to give them a late Christmas gift. “I opened up one of the gifts and it was a box with three ceramic butterflies.” She smiled. She received the sign. “I still carry my mom’s last tear,” she said. “There are unanswered questions and things I won’t ever know.”
The one thing Mary Ellen wants for herself during this next chapter is to “live whole-heartedly and to be present in every moment.” Losing her mother in a short period of time and with so many unresolved questions, she realized that life really is fragile. “Sometimes I actually believe that if I wish hard enough and pray hard enough I can actually bring her back. This takes me to the one thing I want for me…When you live totally and completely in the moment you open yourself up to just incredible goodness but you feel everything else as well.”
Because she continues to believe that what she has done in life thus far is not a big deal; she was both humbled and anxious about being on the cover of Syracuse Woman Magazine. “People do greater things every day that they don’t get on the cover of magazines for,” Mary Ellen said. “There are so many people that are filled with goodness that are doing great things out there. So I think it’s about all their stories, all the people that walk through that door…it’s their stories that need to be told.” We will try, and we also look forward to learning what the next chapter in Mary Ellen’s story holds.
